“It’s probably just in my head,” my client says, after describing harrowing abuse he endured as a child.
“I mean, what if I made it all up? Maybe it didn’t even happen?”
I hear this a lot: Trauma survivors doubting their experiences. No one knew. No one they felt safe enough to tell.
When trauma happens in silence, survivors often begin to question their own memories. “Did it actually happen? Or did I make it all up?”
It echoes the old philosophical question ‘If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, did it make a sound?’
This is something I see time and time again in my work as a Clinical Psychologist, especially with people who don’t consider what they went through to be “trauma.”
“I had a perfect childhood.”
“My parents did everything for me.”
“I wasn’t abused. Not like others.”
And yet…
The way a parent looked at you with contempt.
The chronic invalidation, silent treatment, or outbursts of rage.
Witnessing violence between parents.
Growing up in emotional unpredictability.
That lingering tension in your chest that something bad might happen…
These experiences deeply impact the developing nervous system. Our bodies are wired for safety, connection, and predictability. When that is missing, the results can be chronic fear, self-doubt, dissociation and shame!
Research has shown this over and over again. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are linked to significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance use, and post-traumatic symptoms in adulthood (e.g., Felitti et al., 1998; Anda et al., 2006).
Trauma is not defined by the event, but by its impact!
As a psychologist, my work isn’t to fact-check memories, but to support healing.
To help clients make sense of their inner world.
To integrate overwhelming memories so they no longer surface as flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts.
To guide people in reconnecting with their bodies, learning how to regulate their nervous system, and (most importantly) to experience what felt safety truly means.
References:
Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., et al. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245–258.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are.with someone else who is doing meaningful work in the health and wellness space!
